I burn my old journals. Or at least I did.
I know some people are nostalgic and like to keep them for the memories. But I always preferred to destroy them because they represented old versions of me that I didn't want to be anymore.
I didn't want written reminders of how much I hated myself. Because for years, most of my 20s, my journals were filled with self criticism and doubt.
Of course, the pages of my journals were filled with happy moments too, with passages of love and support here and there - but mostly, it was written from a place of judgement, not compassion.
A few months ago, I found a journal that managed to slip through the cracks…that avoided the fire!! It had sporadic entries from as early as December 2020 through to May 2022. When I read it, I felt so much compassion for this version of me. Because although she felt like a shell of herself at times, she was also so hopeful for her future.
In 2020, my husband and I were renting a small townhouse in Brisbane navigating an uncertain world, with a new baby that never slept. My anxiety was at an all time high and postpartum recovery was slow and painful. I was so confused about my direction in life and some days the loneliness felt overwhelming.
In my journal, I wrote about my dream of living in a peaceful home surrounded by trees (which we now do!). I wanted to run women’s circles (I can feel these coming) and I desperately wanted to start my own business.. (you all know how that went ❤️). I wanted to feel connected to my local community and create positive change (I've met so many cool & kind humans with plans to collaborate on things bigger than us!!). And I wanted to feel more "me" (I really, really do!). I wrote affirmations throughout the journal, before I even knew I'd make my own affirmation deck.
I once heard someone say that our words are spells. Maybe that's why I burnt those old journals that were filled with self doubt? Maybe that's why those dreams and wishes I wrote down 5 years ago have either come true or are now so close, I can almost feel them.
It took years for me to learn how to journal in a way that supports and guides me, rather than pulls me down. I've found it's all about intention, asking the right questions and consciously connecting to my higher self.
I see journalling as a portal to my heart. An act of devotion. It's a space where I connect deeply to myself; where I check-in and ask ‘How are you? What do you need? What do you want? What dreams are in your heart?’.
I believe we are powerful, magical, beautiful beings who are capable of creating lives we truly love. I believe the words we speak and write, matter. And that so much love and connection can be felt within the pages of our journals.
I don't think I need to burn the pages of my journals anymore. I quite like this version of me and all that I am creating.
